The Truth about Suri?

I've been having a bit of fun at the expensive of L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise. Recently wild allegations have arisen in the media surrounding Morton's latest book Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography. In it Morton alleges two fascinating claims. Firstly, that Tom Cruise is the 2nd in command in the church of Scientology. According to Insider, this is TRUE. Cool! If you've listened to Cruise in the media in the past week you'll discover bootleg videos of him rhapsodizing about his beliefs. Check out the video.

Secondly, even more fascinating is Morton's allegation that Suri Cruise, daughter of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise was conceived using frozen sperm from Scientology founder - L. Ron who died in 1986. Hmmm. You be the judge

Score one for the Cougars (and I don't mean mountain lions)

Only last year did I become aware of the meaning of the word Cougar, used in dating circles. For those not up with the hunting/dating jargon, a Cougar is an older woman who chases and dates younger men. E! recently premiered the 25 Hottest Hollywood Cougar Tales in which babes such as Goldie Hawn, Madonna, Susan Sarandon and Hallie Berry scored as cougars.

Just today I received an email promoting a cougar event titled: Natural Selection Speed Date II. Apparently I was a big hit! Here's the promo blurb by Pocket Change:

Paying tribute to the women who publicly declare they have the means and they have the needs. Symbiosis has allowed ugly rich men to attract young gorgeous money-hungry women for centuries; it is now the women’s turn. For all of the leopard-print attire and decades of alimony you have amassed in your divorces, we know that there is still a void within you that even an unattractive David Yurman necklace can not fulfill. Flocks of young attractive men are anxious to replace the tired, overworked, undersexed, population of unsatisfying middle-aged single men that are not wealthy enough to date women their kid’s age. Pocket Change simply continues where Susan B. Anthony left off.

So check this out, the criteria to qualify as a female participant in the event is:
- Must be older than 35
- Must make 500k or more
- Liquid assets 4 million +
- Divorce settlement 4 million +

For a guy to qualify you must meet this criteria:
- Must be younger than 35
- Must submit 5 photos of self

and that's it!

Now I know what you're thinking. Rekha, why did you receive a summons for speed-dating cougars? I DON'T KNOW. Honestly. I belong on Pocket Change's mailing list but I swear I never signed up for any such event. I swear (again).

Anyway, I don't make more than $500k, so I can't go anyway...

I'll say it for you'all. Shucks.

John117

I'm not a gamer nor have I ever claimed to be. So when Halo 3 launched this fall I viewed its debut with much the same enthusiasm as I would say, the latest Russell Crowe flick. But Thomas is a big Halo fan so it made a great Christmas present. He didn't get a chance to play it until New Years day, at which time he did what he always does with video games - played it till he beat it. What is up with guys and their voracity to play till the end, eh?

The other day he mentioned getting very little sleep the night before due to his disturbance over the Halo ending. Aha! I thought, for I had already heard the ending to Halo 3, [SPOILER ALERT] which results in the demise of the Master Chief. Matter of fact, my friend Lourdes told me she cried at the death of the Masterchief. Now there's attachment for you!

Thomas losing sleep is a very rare occurance so I decided to do a little digging. I found that Master Chief's real name is John117. Being a former Bible-toting girl the name evoked thoughts of the New Testament book of John, Chapter 1 verse 17. This is what it says:

"And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last."

Now I am a big fan of omniscent statements scattered throughout the Bible. Matter of fact my first website, now defunct was titled Alpha and Omega in a Day. Giving the old carpe diem a slight twist. So I was delighted by the Master Chief's association with the book of John. But I thought back to Thomas' sleepless night and remembered that he commented on the AI Cube, muttering, 'who thought it would turn like that?' and 'can't trust artifical intelligence.'

Yes well that poses an interesting question. Could AI really kill John117? Apparently not for I've been informed that during the closing credits to Halo, the Master Chief escapes and places himself into self-imposed cyronic sleep saying: Wake me when you need me.

Something tells me he'll be needed in, oh, 2 years for Halo 4.

2008 Wishes

The usual rounds of new year wishes circulated this week, however 2 stood out in my mind. Thought I'd share them with you. First an anonymous blessing for 2008:

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires! May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ...May 2008 be the best year of your life! (so far)

Here's another from cousin Rekha Ohal, writer and musician:

In 2008 you will blossom even further into your witchiest, juiciest, most magical goddess self. You will refine the art of driving the bus of your life and successfully navigate any or all obstacles in your path, realizing that they are not stopping points but rather launchpads. You will laugh everyday and sometimes milk will come out of your nose! You will sing at the top of your lungs and savor every note! You will dance boldly and if you fall down, you will not skin your knee but rather shed another skin! You will become even more adept at this game you are playing, that we are ALL playing, the one where we all, as divine beings, choose to be born into human spacesuits in order to revel in this wonderland we call Earth.

To make this an even richer year I'm including a pix of Lord Ganesha, remover of obstacles and bringer of luck.

Lion's Roar Outreach

No surprise to anyone that I'm a dog lover. And while I've adored big cats from afar I recently had the opportunity to get directly involved. My friend Laura Simms, storyteller, humanitarian and profound activist undertakes many projects to feed her substantial talents. Several years ago I heard of one that deeply moved me.

The project is called Lion's Roar a wildlife zoo located in Buhusi, Romania. This is how Laura describes it:

When I first saw the zoo in 2002, told about it by a Roma woman and Leslie Hawke, director of Ovidiu Rom, I was deeply distressed by the state of the animals. An uncanny silence hung over the Park, and as I walked, cage to cage, animals moved to the bars and stared out listlessly. I saw a little girl watching a large lion nearly the size of his concrete Enclosure. The misery on her face reflected the sadness of the lion. I thought, if someone improved the life of the animals, the children would be happy.
- Laura Simms

Laura and many volunteers worked diligently on behalf of the animals in this tiny zoo that is being shut down since it doesn't meet EU standards. Take a look at the some of the inhabitants; dingos, bears, baboons, dogs, cats and of course, Lions. The mighty felines pictured above are Gypsy and Romany, a couple who were badly malnourished as cubs which resulted in spinal deformities. The couple along with another lion named Bella will be killed if they are not moved to a sanctuary.

If you are interested in donating to Lion's Roar you can do so here. Please send the word along to any people or agencies you know that could assist this noble cause.

Rekha's 7 Layer Christmas Crack Cookies

In the 3rd grade, my best friend Denise Yaag gave me a recipe that I've used till this day. Actually, Denise gave me 2 recipes that I still use. The first was melted Swiss cheese atop toasted bread. Before you nourish thoughts of ridicule for my early culinary efforts let me tell you this. I cooked my first Indian meal, completely unaided, in the 3rd grade. It consisted of Keema curry with the traditional green peas served over hot rice. Did I follow a recipe? Was I supervised? Nope. I just hit the fridge and concocted the meal to surprise my parents for dinner on a school night. Mom and Dad gushed over my budding skills as they chowed on a hot Telugu meal. Thus my culinary precociousness was born.

Anyhoo. The other recipe Denise shared with me was a recipe she called 7 Layer Cookies. The first time I tasted them I knew I would arm-wrestle to the death to own it. Luckily Denise was not a stingy or possessive friend and gladly wrote the ingredients in her curvy, very feminine handwriting. The first time I made them was a culinary coup. They surpassed even my puerile curry attempts. After tasting the cookies (odd for a cookie, even to an Indian family like us whose only notion of cookies were shortbread biscuits so stony they had to be dipped in hot milk to consume) the family sat around the table and stared at the baking sheet. Could something this sublime be composed of chocolate, crumbs and milk? More importantly, my family acknowledged for the first time that smack-your-lips delicious food could come from a country other than India.

20 years later... ahem, I mean 30 years later I still make them every Christmas. The house smells like chocolate, butterscotch and oddly, sex. Or perhaps it's just my perception of how the cookies make me feel. For those of you who don't like chocolate (aghast!) or sustain allergies like my walnut-averse friend Sheila, please substitute at will.

Ingredients:

1 12 oz bag 60% Cacao Ghiradelli chocolate chips. Nestle's semi sweet chocolate can be substituted and indeed I used the old standby for decades until I got turned on to the superior depth of Ghiradelli. You can find these in most supermarkets these days for the same price.

1 10 oz bag Nestle Butterscotch chips.

1 stick salted butter melted

3 cups Graham crackers ground in a food processor.

1 can sweetened condensed milk. Either Eagle or Carnation is fine.

1 cup chopped walnuts. Pecans, almonds, pistachios or other nuts can be used as well. If you're an aficiendo of nuts, use more than a cup if desired.

Directions:

Pour melted butter in a 16 x 9 inch baking sheet with at least 1 inch raised edges. Distribute butter evenly. Scatter cracker crumbs evenly across sheet. Sprinkle Butterscotch chips in an even layer. Sprinkly chocolate chips in an even layer. Then scatter nuts evenly. Evenly pour condensed milk over entire confection slowly so that thick ribbons cascade over the layers. This is important as the milk must penetrate through all the layers or else the cookies will not stick together.

Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 25 minutes or until cookies are a light brown but not burnt at the edges.

If you're paying close attention you might notice I've only listed 6 ingredients. There is an additional layer and that is sweetened coconut. However I've always felt it pushed the limits of this sweet over the top and do not include it in my concoctions. So! as they say in the biz, the 7th ingredient is love. Awwwwww.

Winter wonderland my ass! or Damn my thin Indian blood

The hammock curves under the weight of an inch of ice frosted with hardened snow. The deck has become a skeetway of 3 inch ice, on top of which Duke and I both flail and skid. The sun umbrella broke at the base, listing atop the garden table like a macabre parasol. The dog steps gingerly through his yard, his playground now a obstacle course of jagged ice, frozen leaves and plunging icicles.

Neither of us love the winter. His excuse is purely physical - not so much playtime in frigid weather. His shearling coat doesn't allow optimal movement, his feet got cold fast. And yes, I have heard about dog shoes, or sled shoes as the huskies of the Iditarod use. However I was a bad dog mother and didn't order a pair in late November this year (which is when winter began) so Duke doesn't have footies to brave the cold streets of Passaic Park.

My dislike of winter could stem from my thin Indian blood. I mean I'm from the south of India, for God's sake, I never even saw ice until I lived in Poona. I remember the incident clearly. My parents filled a bucket with water one night and left it on the front porch. The next morning the bucket was frozen solid, baffling a country chickling like myself. However my cousin Suji, who was born in the same area of India LOVES the cold. Matter of fact she wants her ashes scattered over Everest when she passes. Who, pray tell, will scatter them I wonder?

Complicating matters is the theory that my blood has thinned not due to the deep Telugu blood flowing through it, but due to the vast quantities of vodka I consumed during my school years. Come off it! I was a young girl released from the chains of Christian church school, who wouldn't party it down on a campus as notorious as University of Maryland's? Earning me the rather amusing nickname of ahem, "Chedalavodka".

Either way you slice it. Thin blood. Thin blood.

Photorefractive Keratectomy

Been laying low the past few days due to eye surgery. PRK to be exact. While I was hoping for the more cutting edge (literally) procedure called Interlase , the curvature of my cornea prohibited this surgery so I opted for the less invasive PRK. Downside being the recuperation time which can last up to one week. That and the bile-tasting eye drops that drip from your eyes into your nasal cavity and mouth. Oh, and the not so chic wrap-around blue black glasses meant to diminish light.

So bear with me as my eyes become reacquainted with vision without the assistance of glasses or contacts. Something I'm quite looking forward to as I've been working the librarian look for the past month. Which, let me tell you sucks when you're watching the Hitman in a theater full of juiced up boys and girls. Or when you're attending an OK magazine party in the meat-packing district.

Soon, very soon I'll be blinking these brownies unimpeded.

Piglet Cubs

While I'm not thrilled with the CNN redesign some aspects I find valuable. For example, the featured videos appear to include more animal-centric stories. Like this one titled: Tiger befriends piglet in the zoo. Lot more to the story as you can guess. Apparently the death of cubs depressed a mother tiger named Sai Mai in a Thailand zoo. Her health flagged so the zoo keepers searched for surrogates. The only ones to be found were baby piglets so in a stroke of brilliance they dressed the wee pigs in tiger-striped outfits (look at the vide!) and presented them to Mama tiger. Apparently Sai Mai found them palatable (excuse the pun) and proceeded to nurse the tiger pigs.

Rhapsodize all you want of human intelligence. Nothing beats the majestic power of motherhood.

The God Within

The frigid temps, early snow and blustery wind had me huddling in my bed yesterday with a small dog seeking refuge under warm down covers. It was a day that my friend Lourdes and I agreed upon - melancholic. But sometimes you need to reach blue depths in order to sustain those flights into the stratosphere.

Reminds me of one of the inspiring lines from Elizabeth Gilbert's book - Eat, Pray, Love. In it she describes a simple mantra: Om Namah Shivaya which translates to "I honor the Divinity Within Me". What could be simpler or more powerful? Funny thing about meditation. The act itself of stilling the mind brings about the exact result that one is usually seeking. In my case, respite from the scatty, bratty thoughts roaming my mind. A cease fire or sorts that allows purity of focus. Ah, could there be such a thing? There could and is. It just requires the removal of mental detritus to get there. And to remove gunk you've got to be very still, very quiet. Banish thoughts of what to wear tomorrow. Rid thoughts of what to prepare for dinner. Forget the dentist appointment. And finally it's there.

Om Namah Shivaya - try it sometime.