August was a throw away month. My house existed in a constant state of chaos: a kitchen renovation estimated to take 2 months dragged on for 4. My house was never devoid of visitors, ergo never bereft of slamming doors, smoked cigarettes tossed in planters or the withering and unmown lawn, the blare of video games, deliveries of kitchen appliances, chairs, sofas, or just plain yapping gums in the already mentioned unfinished kitchen. I confirmed a universally held belief with painful lucidity this summer: the kitchen is the heart of a home.
One day when all my guests had left I sat in my newly renovated kitchen. It looked exactly as I envisioned it. Spacious, rustic yet dramatic, gorgeously lit in sunlight and in candlelight. Equipped with stainless steel appliances that somehow maintain a homespun ambiance. And most importantly, pretty. And yet, yet it felt oddly cold. The melted butter-hued walls captured the exact mood I desired: the sun setting on a Tuscan kitchen. The paintings and mahogany framed mirrors hung to my specifications, rooster-themed trivets and jugs propped strategically for maximum color and textural impact.
Still my kitchen felt oddly alien. Matter of fact my entire house felt foreign and intrusive, like a man I was sleeping with and suddenly didn't know. I walked listlessly through the house, dreading for the first time much sought after silence. I took solace playing music that fit my mood: Sarah Maclachlan, Alison Krauss, anything by the Judds. I found particular comfort in A Home by the Dixie Chicks.
The state of self perceived alienation continued for a long week, lonely despite visitations from dependable and supportive friends. Unable to bear the distressed expression on my dog's face I took remedial measures. No I didn't burn candles or smudge my house with a burning sage stick while playing Basia. (Ok, ok, I might have some a bit of this...) I went for a more direct and pragmatic approach, which in itself is a remarkable accomplishment for a woman with Pisces rising AND Pisces moon. I spent one entire weekend assessing the state of the why-does-this-feel-like-a-house-not-a-home residence. As usual, logic could not be confounded. Matter of fact, it won out in aces.
Case in point, I own a gorgeous, comfy, energetically sympatico house. So the lawn might be shaggy from lack of mowing. And yes, the rose bushes need trimming, as do the Lilac and Rose of Sharon shrubs. The bedroom needs to be repainted and the tile laid around the jacuzzi.
But the house is still MY house as much, if not more than it's ever been. Difference being the absence of a human body. But given my extensive family and prelidiction for throwing dinner parties it will not be a party of two for any period of time. It will certainly be filled with new energy, new memories and yes, men.
Ah, the men.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Perhaps it was not the chaos or amount of people that inhabited your kitchen during renovation, but actually who these people were, that left your kitchen with a cold and negative energy. After my recent visit to your new kitchen, I found it to be absolutely "Diamond". The meal we shared was delicious. Perhaps this was all you needed to bring the warmth back to your new kitchen. May you enjoy many memorable days doing what you love best, cooking in your new kitchen and entertaining with a welcoming and warm feeling that would leave any guest completely relaxed, satiated, and looking forward to coming back.
Arlene
You are very fortunate that you are young and already OWN your own home, despite these depressing economic times. I am sure you worked hard and saved for it. I am also certain that you count your blessings and are thankful that you have a REAL home, despite whatever disarray it may be in at the time.
Post a Comment