Penguin Wetsuit

I've been called a tree-hugger. I've been called a namby-pamby, puppy-loving, kitten-coddling wuss. Ask me if I give a hoot. Nature, and creatures great and small thrill me to my toes. So see if this doesn't tickle you.

Balding is not limited to humans. Apparently it's an affliction known to strike even birds, particularly a Jackass Penguin named Pierre (no I'm not calling him names, the species is called that due to the donkey-like sounds they produce). Pierre, aged 25 (!) suffered from the chilly condition of a bald behind. The wee bird refused to play in the water since his hair-less exposed his pink ass to the frigid water. Apparently, penguins (which are NOT almost chicken) do not have a coat of blubber and depend on feathers to protect them from the elements. Holy shit! Those must be some feathers covering the bodies of the penguins in the Antarctic.

Little Pierre would sit on the sidelines when his companions would frolic in the pool. What's an Aquatic Biologist to do? Apparently Pam Schaller of the California Academy of Sciences did do something. She had a wetsuit created for Pierre, figuring if the gear protected divers from frigid waters, they could do the same for Pierre.

Oceanic Worldwide created the wetsuit enthusiastically. Said Teo Tertel, company marketing specialist "We were really excited to do it. We heard most of these penguins only live to 20, and our little buddy there was already 25. Anything we could do to help them, we were all for it." Teo Tertel, whoever you are, I love you man.

Schaller's not too bad herself. "I would walk behind him and look at where there were any gaps, and cut and refit and cut and refit until it looked like it was extremely streamlined," she said.

Pierre was outfitted with the suit about six weeks ago. Since then, he has gained weight, grown back feathers on his hind parts and is again acting like his feisty, alpha-male self, reports Newsweek.

Now all we need to do is hook Pierre up with a hot penguin chick. Can't you just see the classified? Wanted: beta female with white and black plumage attracted to experienced males. Must love water, fish and dressing up in a wetsuit.