In Defense of Arranged Marriages

Having been raised a fundamentally Christian Indian, the dating scene was basically jinxed for me. As an Indian girl I wasn't allowed to 'date'. As a Seventh Day Adventist, I wasn't allow to have pre-marital sex. What chick was worse off than me? So understandably when I came to the permissible dating age - 35 - I made quite a few mistakes due to the lack of chops. Which is why I will endorse the practice of arranged marriages. Now I don't mean arranged in the sense that my Mom heads off to India and scouts Andhra Pradesh for suitable husbands for her finicky daughter. Actually, if memory serves correctly I recall that my grandmother used to collect lists of marriageable men for my surveillance. It was quite touching, that is when I wasn't laughing my ass off. She was quite resourceful, my maternal grandma. Capturing the man's stats on the back of a glossy 8 1/2 x 11 color picture. One guy in particular I remember vividly. He was a dentist that lived in Switzerland who cherished cats and had a passion for Jayaprada, a popular Telugu actress. I don't recall his name but I do recall the glossy photo of him. A 30 something man (keep in mind, I was only 17. ewwwww) with a crest of black hair, big bucky teeth and, wait for it, a monstrously hairy chest. Wirey black hair sprang from under his long sleeved shirt, under his chin. Now this wasn't any old hairy chest, this guy would make a Yeti proud. This guy was a Brazilian bikini waxer's virgin dream! But unfortunately for the poor sot, not mine.

Although I passed on every single one of the hand selected men Grandma sent for my perusal, I now look back at that interval wistfully. Because they were guys she took time to hunt down, investigate and finely filter through her rigid criteria. Did he come from a good family? Was he educated? Did he hold a good job? What was his religious background? Did his community speak highly of him? What were his interests? What were his goals? All these inquiries factored into a single goal: Would he be a good husband for me.

Which is why I'm a proponent of utilizing dating services. These folks take on the duties of Moms and Grandmas, sifting through the streams of potential mates based on indepth questionnaires, compatibility criteria and age/income/location demographics. The questions they ask are akin to something a parent might want to know for their offspring. Like: What's the candidate's ability to resolve conflict?
It is important for him or her to take time to "smell the roses"? Not to mention specific interrogations as to sexual principles. Is chemistry important? If so, how much? This is a sticky point for as writer Regena Thomashauer suggests, there is no such thing as chemistry. There is only desire and dedication know your partner and learn what pleases them most.

More likely than not, the couples who unite using these dating services are so thrilled at finding a compatible partner that they worry not one whit whether 'chemistry' exists. They create it. Take for example my friend Julie who met her beau through one such service. She's been so happy since she met her jet-setting guy that she can barely contain her joy. To extend her happiness she tries her hand at setting me up using her own psychic algorhithms, which I'm sure go something like: Does he like to eat great food? Can he keep up with Rekha's energy level? Does he like wiggley puppies? I just wonder if she throws in glossy pix like my Grandmother did.